


Kiyotaka the Mono-tone Robot

by onelonerdown



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Depression, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, its not really that bad...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-01-30 19:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12659868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onelonerdown/pseuds/onelonerdown
Summary: Kiyotaka enters his new life at Hope's Peak Academy and doesn't have a very good time of it. Stress and anxiety and pressure plague him daily and by Friday, it's already starting to show. He need's help and for once, he is given the opportunity to get it.(Non-Despair au)





	1. Why can't I just think of an answer?

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I tried. I can't do summaries but I do think that this is a decent fic. Its actually a bit rambly though so you have been warned.  
> This will be full of angst so strap in!
> 
> Set in Kiyotaka's first year at Hope's peak academy, in fact its his first week!

Kiyotaka had not expected to make friends at Hope’s Peak and so far his expectations had been exactly correct. He had introduced himself to everyone, tried to be smiley and friendly but it came across as awkward and forced.

He was aware that he failed in social situations and it was a fact that pained him deeply but he comforted himself with the fact that now he had an opportunity to prove to all those _geniuses_ that he was worth something and he didn’t need friends to do that.

All he had to do was focus, concentrate and apply himself in his studies and with enough effort he could right his grandfather’s wrongs by becoming a great prime minister – That was the idea anyway.

However, Kiyotaka was sitting down at his desk feeling unbelievably down. He was staring down at a sheet of homework that he couldn’t do. He had tried all night the first night that he got it (by Kiyotaka’s standards working all night meant working until you passed out). He had tried to tackle it every night since, failing miserably each time.

That one sheet of homework had made his week miserable. Every attempt had left him sobbing in anguish in a puddle of self-pity. That led to him scolding his self severely, he didn’t have time to wallow in negative thoughts.

This lead to him putting it off. He reasoned that it was the most logical thing to do because his reaction to the question sheet left him unable to work on his other homework.

He stared at the sheet. It was a sheet of questions about him.

Open receiving the homework from their homeroom teacher, members of his class had sighed with relief, calling it a “freebie” homework because they thought it was so easy to finish. Some people even did it right there on the spot and it took some of his classmates under a minuet.

After all, questions about you should be easy to answer, right? As Kiyotaka had found out, that assumption was very wrong.

He had whizzed through the questions at first.

 **Name:** Kiyotaka Ishimaru.

_Maybe they were right to call it a “freebie” homework._

**Ultimate Talent:** Ultimate Moral Compass.

_Shouldn’t the teacher know all of this already, it’s on our student profile?_

**Favourite Subject:** ~~All of them!~~ _No, the teacher might need an actual answer…_ Politics.

 **Least Favourite Subject:** Japanese.

_I struggle to understand poetry and complex emotions in books…_

**How do you spend your free time?** Study and kendo.

  _Every spare moment should be dedicated to study, I am a student of course but I do keep up my fitness level by practising kendo._

 **What makes you happy?** …

Kiyotaka could think of a long list of things that make him unhappy (his classmates from middle school, swearing, loneliness, being unable to sleep at night, his grandfather, debt and geniuses to name a few). He could name things that he wants to do to ensure he is happy in the future. He wanted to make friends for example…

His father given him a speech so many times that it leaked into his head constantly, “Happiness is something that you have to put effort into in order to succeed. You are an Ishimaru, no one will respect you if you don’t prove your worth. If you don’t put in full effort, you will never be happy!”

But he did put in effort. He didn’t sleep for nights on end to ensure that he had more time to study. He dedicated every moment of his life into pushing himself further, physically and mentally. He’d been bullied relentlessly for being so weird but it never stopped him from trying his absolute hardest.

But… It still wasn’t enough. He wasn’t happy yet, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt something else other than the fear of failure and sadness at his own shortcomings. He didn’t know if he was even capable of feeling happy.

What was it they used to call him in middle school?

“The mono-tone robot” was the phrase that he remembered most clearly.

Maybe they were right, maybe he was only a robot who was incapable of feelings let alone feeling happiness. A robot whose only function was to work himself to the bone, every day of his miserable existence just so he could try to taste some relief.

There he was again, sobbing miserably because of one question on a homework sheet that everyone else thought was so easy.

Kiyotaka wanted to chalk it up to their genius nature but he knew, deep down, that the question was easy and any _normal_ person would be able to answer it without having a meltdown.

At least there wasn’t a question about what made him unhappy because, he knew from experience, that if his classmates saw his answer it would be used against him. He didn’t know his fellow students very well but so far most of them seemed nice but he knew that they were probably only pretending to be nice to him so that they could betray his like some people had done in middle school.

Then a terrifying thought occurred to him, “I’m going to have to either ask the teacher for an extension on this homework or _lie!”_

He would be betraying his position as student council member and moral’s committee representative if he lied shamelessly on a piece of homework.

The thought of having to ask the teacher for more time on the homework mortified him. He needed to set a good example. If he didn’t hand in the _first_ piece of homework, how could he scold people who didn’t hand in homework on time without being a hypocrite?

Tis new dilemma spurred on a new downpour of tears from Kiyotaka’s already sore eyes. Not that it matters, his eyes were red so no one would notice any discoloration. No-one would care anyways, it was only an Ishimaru crying.

After some deep thought, Kiyotaka settled on the lesser of the two evils – He would have to humiliate himself and ask the teacher for an extension. His feelings didn’t really matter. He’d rather humiliate himself than ruin his reputation as the Ultimate Moral Compass and lie on a homework question.

All he had was his academics and his morals.

One silly “Get to know the students” question sheet had completely and utterly defeated him. How embarrassing…

At least his resolve was set in stone.

Maybe he could discreetly talk to the home room teacher before class when there would be less of his peers around to laugh at him.

He got up from his desk and moved over to the wall which he had lots of timetables. The school secretary had allowed Kiyotaka to photo copy copies of every teacher’s timetable (which lessons they taught to which classes and at which times so he could see when they were free).

Friday time table for his homeroom teacher… Oh no!

How could he have been so stupid? To leave speaking to the teacher to the last minute was a very stupid thing to do because all teachers had a staff meeting on Friday mornings from the morning announcement until homeroom.

He had no opportunity to talk to her before class because his teacher would be in the meeting and it was long past the evening curfew so he couldn’t go find her now.

Kiyotaka would have to speak to her during homeroom in from of all of the geniuses that he was trying so hard to be better than.

It was his fault of course. It was due to his stupidity that he hadn’t planned when he could talk to the teacher and it was his own fault that there was nothing that made him truly happy because who else’s fault could it be?

That night Kiyotaka slept restlessly, his mind dwelling on suppressed memories and of what he knew would come the next morning.

 

 

 


	2. How to hand in homework:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiyotaka had settled on his fate. He was going to ask for an extension but then... An idea came to him to get him out of the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon is kind of OOF in this chapter because I'm not really sure how to write him but he will get a bit of character development later. Leon does swear in this chapter, just so you know
> 
> I had so many ideas that I decided to extend the length of this fic. It will end up being about 4 chapters but I'm not sure. 
> 
> ummm... That's it, I guess so enjoy!

Kiyotaka was visibly restless as he sat in his usual seat before class. He sat rigid but this wasn’t unusual (he believed that he needed to look presentable). However, he couldn’t stop his fingers from tapping constantly and his aura was panicked and antsy. The classroom was empty when Kiyotaka sat down and began to let his mind fill with anxiety but by the time the bell rung, the class was in full attendance. Just his luck…

“Cut that out!” Leon yelled angrily at him. He was getting annoyed by all the tapping and Kiyotaka’s restless mood was starting to rub off on him causing him to fidget in his chair slightly.

“Ahh! Sorry Kuwata,” Kiyotaka was pulled abruptly from his head space and stopped tapping immediately, instead he moved his hands so that he was sitting on them to avoid annoying his fellow students anymore with stupid, nervous tics. It wasn’t their problem, it was his so he didn’t need to burden them with his foul mood.

His mood was worsened by the fact that he hadn’t slept much last night and with the whole weeks’ worth of missed sleep, he was running on adrenaline and pure will power. Luckily those were two things that Kiyotaka had an abundance off. He also had an abundance of anxiety to add into the mix which didn’t help the matter. 

The teacher was late. Kiyotaka watched the hands of the clock tick methodically, calming down a little.   
The teacher was late. Late. Late. Late. Late. Two minutes. Three. Four! Where was she?

“Sorry I’m late class, the staff meeting went on a little too long with it being the first one this year and all!” their teacher explained enthusiastically as she made her way through the open doorway and set her things down on her desk.

The normal chattering and general background noise died down with the arrival of their teacher, noise that would normally have been silenced as soon as it arouse by the hall monitor if he had not been stuck in his own head, unable to comprehend much of anything. 

You’ve got to tell her you know. You know that, right? You’ve failed and you have to admit that… the voice in his head nagged Kiyotaka as the teacher took the register. He would have liked to label it “the voice of unreason” but he couldn’t because… it was right. 

He was about to face his fate (it felt like he was facing his death) and as each name was called, Kiyotaka found it harder to breath. Each name meant that she was getting closer to finishing the register, closer to asking for the homework.

“Right, well now that’s done, I believe that I asked for your homework to be handed in today. Is that right?” the teacher had done it, asked for the homework. 

Suddenly, a third option came to Kiyotaka. He could hand in the homework unfinished. Yes! Why had he not thought of that before?!

With a rush of relief and far more gusto than the others around him who weren’t quite awake yet, Kiyotaka thrust his hand into his messenger bag that was leaning of the side of his desk and withdrew his perfectly neat (but incomplete) sheet. He gripped it proudly because he was still handing it in and didn’t have to publicly shame himself. 

The teacher strolled from one desk to another, taking in each sheet without even glancing at their content. Thank god!

Then she sat back down and continued to talk to the class about the responsibilities the class had in an upcoming school assembly or something. Kiyotaka was mortified to admit to himself that by that point he wasn’t paying attention but was instead focused on his slowly steadying heartbeat and shaking breath. He was fine, he wasn’t in trouble and now that homework was over. He could move on.

The hall monitor didn’t notice when the teacher dismissed the class and allowed them to talk among themselves until first period began. He didn’t notice as the teacher flicked quickly threw the sheets and paused pulling a concerned face but he did notice (after a few seconds of her lingering there) his teacher standing in front of his desk frowning down at him.

“Ishimaru, can I talk to you outside for a moment,” she asked in a hushed tone, gesturing discreetly to the door as she spoke.

Although he remained blissfully unaware of the teacher’s motives, he was still unnerved by how serious she sounded and the rest of the class seemed to notice as well.   
Conversation hushed as many curious eyes followed Kiyotaka out of the room but was quickly, as soon as the teacher slid the door closed, replaced with low murmurs of interest. No-one could guess why the teacher wanted to speak to him. Having only known each other for under a week, class 78 didn’t know each other very well (although friendships among some were already beginning to form) but even from a glance, anyone could tell that that Kiyotaka was a rule abiding citizen.

The atmosphere behind the closed door was very different to that in the classroom. It was very tense and Kiyotaka was beginning to have an idea about what their conversation was going to be about – That last question.

“Ishimaru, I’m very concerned about the last answer on your homework or - well lack thereof,” she spoke calmly with a tone that seemed loving but concerned. 

“I’m so sorry miss! I’m so sorry. I did try to answer the question. I put in all of my effort and did not neglect my responsibilities as the Ultimate Moral Compass!” he yelled.

This response was greatly worrying to the teacher. 

“Ishimaru, please calm down. You aren’t in trouble.”

“I’m not? But I let myself down. I didn’t put in enough effort,” he waved his hands around in distress.

“Ishimaru, you aren’t getting graded on this so don’t worry. However, I am worried about you. Why did you not answer the last question?” she placed a hand on his shoulder to ground him from his frantic flailing.

Kiyotaka was greatly surprised. Why was she not angry? Did she not care that he was failing as the Ultimate Moral Compass? 

Why did he not answer the last question? How could he explain? Perhaps he should just tell her. He can’t lie but perhaps he can water down the truth just a little.

“If you’re not happy then that’s a problem,” the teacher interrupted his train of thought. 

“But it doesn’t usually affect my school work, I promise, so I don’t see why it’s a problem!” 

“Ishimaru… Are. You. Happy?!” 

“I suppose not…” Kiyotaka opened up slightly and admitted it to himself (and the teacher) that he was sad.

Back in the classroom, everyone was beginning to get restless. The bell had long since rung but they were still without a teacher – Not that anyone was complaining.  
Most people were just enjoying their prolonged conversation time but Leon was very curious about what the teacher and Kiyotaka were taking so long to talk about.   
He wanted to know if that genius had done anything wrong. God that would be hilarious! Then maybe that smart arse would back of him for a little… 

Maybe he should listen in…

Leon got up from his perch on the top of his desk and shuffled over to the door.

“Oh Leon! What are you doing?” Aoi asked as she was briefly distracted from her animated conversation with Sakura about the fitness regime they were coming up with.

Leon hushed violently at Aio and everyone turned to look at him as he cautiously placed his ear to the door. The room went silent as everyone watched him curiously. 

What followed next was a series of extreme facial expressions, confused, disbelieve and then finally he pulled away from the door and cracked up laughing. 

“I just heard the weirdest thing ever! I can’t believe it, that pompous asshole is being sent to counselling,” he explained and laughed again before adding “I bet he’s probably some psycho or something or maybe their gonna teach him to lighten up a little?! As if.”

This was met with stunned silence. Partly because the idea that the shouty boy who seemed so perfect and well behaved and strict (even though they had only known him for a week) was going to counselling but also because Leon was laughing about it!

“No! You shouldn’t laugh, that sounds very serious!” Makoto said assertively as he pointed at Leon accusatively.

This stunned Leon a little because so far, Makoto had been fairly quiet and civil. He had already been given the role of peace maker among the class even though he was pretty submissive. 

He seemed surprisingly passionate about stepping on Leon’s fun though…

“Why not? He’s been really on my case since the first day but now I know that he’s not perfect either. He can’t nag at me constantly if he’s messed up too can he?   
I can’t even believe he’s being entrusted with a role of discipline if he’s probably some crazy murderer. After all, counselling’s for crazy people.” He ranted blindly.

Leon was ranting at Makoto so angrily that he didn’t notice the looks that everyone was giving him and the gestures telling him to knock it out!

Of course that meant he wasn’t paying attention to any background noise because if he had, he would have heard the door sliding open and he would have heard the footsteps as Kiyotaka and the teacher re-entered the room. 

Maybe if he had heard, he would have stopped. 

Hopefully he would have stopped but sadly... he didn’t.


	3. Politicians cry alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiyotaka's mood goes from bad to worse because of a bucket load of eternal conflict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst, delicious! 
> 
> Well, I tried...

He was right.

All of Kiyotaka’s fears were real.

He was right.

Of course no one would respect him if he eventually agreed to see the school therapist.  
Why had he ever deluded himself that perhaps, just maybe, he could lighten up on himself? Why would he ever act so naïve? He had been given a new shot at being respected by people at Hope’s Peak and he’d ruined it.

He was shell shocked staring at the back at Leon’s head as he ranted about him too Makoto. 

He didn’t feel angry, nor sad but just blurred and ashamed but also sort of numb. 

Why was he so stupid, he should have known that accepting the offer of free counselling was foolish? He shouldn’t have believed the teacher when she said that no-one had to know. Of course they’d see his weakness immediately. 

From that point on, Kiyotaka wasn’t really processing anything. 

His vision was blurred as he shuffled silently over to his desk and just sat down. His audio was muted and he barely noticed that the teacher was getting so angry at Leon.  
The only thing that was running through his head was his relentless thoughts. The world was running so slow and his mind was going so fast, working on overload to keep up with the insults floating in from his memory and the panic and the hatred. 

Once the teacher had calmed down, given Leon a detention, she started the lesson. However, the lesson was without the usual input from Kiyotaka because, although his pen was writing and doing work, he was still stuck in his head.

When the class was finally enjoying their break no one would approach Kiyotaka. There was a lingering sense of just… brokenness. He seemed paralysed and no one knew what to do so they did the only thing they knew, they left him alone.

Leon was still in a mood because of how chewed out he had been. Everyone had just ganged up on him, in favour of the hall-monitor. What?!

Seeing how his words had effected that guy made him feel a bit bad though. Perhaps he went a bit too far with the joke but still, it was funny to him.

He couldn’t stand the tension in the air at break (he might have caused that) so by the time that lunch rolled around, he was out of there. As soon as the bell rung, Leon casually walked out of the room. 

He would probably go back to his room and listen to rock music and try and drown out any feelings of guilt. 

Guilt is a really hard emotion to deal with because, if you’re feeling guilty, it means that something bad happened and there is nothing that he could do.  
That wasn’t entirely true- He could go apologise to Kiyotaka.

Why had he called him crazy, he knew Kiyotaka wasn’t crazy? The guy was annoying as hell but he wasn’t crazy so why did he flip of at the idea of counselling? If he needed help he should have got it. 

Oh god, what if he didn’t get help now because of his stupid mouth?

Then, Leon turned his headphones up and successfully dulled his thought. He had an hour to relax and he wasn’t going to waste that on the stupid hall-monitor.  
As soon as Leon left the classroom, the tense atmosphere lessened but only slightly because Kiyotaka was still acting all… comatose. 

“Hey, Kiyotaka, right?” Makoto asked him cautiously bending down to try and look Kiyotaka in the eyes but because he was staring down at his desk like it was a very interesting book, it was hard to make eye contact.

“Kiyotaka!” he asked louder this time trying hard to get some sort of response from his usually loud and active classmate.

“What- Arghhh! Sorry Naegi! I’m sorry, it was very rude of me to ignore you. Please forgive me.”

Makoto let a light and very relieved chuckle before responding “It’s not a problem, I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

“Well, I’m sorry for making you worry but I am okay. Sorry if I gave you a different impression”, Ishimaru practically yelled.

Makoto then mumbled something “no problem” perhaps, Ishimaru didn’t quite hear and didn’t want to seem rude and ask him to repeat, and then he walked back to his own desk and continued to try to make friends with the mysterious Kyouko.

That small interaction completely cleared the tension and everyone else felt safe to talk among themselves without worrying about Ishimaru.  
Everyone was still getting to know each other so conversation was rapid. 

No-one was paying enough attention to notice when Ishimaru silently slipped out of the classroom. No-one noticed that Ishimaru wasn’t doing okay, Makoto had only made him feel like a burden. 

He was broken but no one needed to see that. Kiyotaka nearly ran (he didn’t want to have to give himself detention for running) as he escaped into his room.  
As soon as the door closed, he broke down. Sobs racked his body that were only occasionally being replaced with vulnerable whimpers.  
He broke, was breaking, is always breaking. 

He’s a robot after all and robots malfunction sometimes rendering them useless. He didn’t want to be useless and broken but in that moment he couldn’t stop the tears, he couldn’t stop the flood gates from letting out of the tears that he worked so hard to internalise. 

He didn’t work hard enough again. It’s his fault again. He’s failing again.

He should be working, harder, harder and harder or he’ll never be happy and he wants desperately to be happy.

He’s not weak so why did he burden his teacher’s conscience by letting her see his unhappiness? Why had he accepted the help that he didn’t need? He was wasting resources that someone else could have used. 

Useless.  
Burden.  
Broken.  
Weak.  
Again…

And all because one of his classmates was rude about him…

Politicians get hate all of the time on a much worse scale but they don’t break down crying in their rooms do they?  
Again, another reason why he’s just a worthless, broken robot who will never be of any worth to anyone. He’ll always be the annoying, hypocritical, that everyone hates and who only causes unrest. 

Leon now had a detention because of him and the teacher was the one to give it to him, he couldn’t do his job correctly. 

Kiyotaka’s tears eventually dried up but it still felt like his emotions were pouring out of every fibre of his being.  
And then he was left numb having used up all of his energy on wayward emotions. “Numb?” I suppose it wakes a nice change…

Eventually, though, he regained his composure and tried to feel more grounded in reality rather than floating in his own head. Just in time as well, the bell rung only a few seconds after he managed to lug his exhausted body from his room back to the classroom. 

Still, no one paid him heed when he slunk back into his seat, his body limp and his eyes dazed. He averted eye contact and kept quiet as to try and not draw any more attention to himself. Kiyotaka didn’t want to cause any more trouble.

However, unbeknownst to Ishimaru, someone had noticed his lack of energy and defeated mood and this time, it wasn't Makoto.


	4. Brocken Robots can't socialize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiyotaka feels a little bit happier for silly reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!!!
> 
> Urgh, dialogue. I cant write speech!!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it anyways.

Mondo Owada hated the hall-monitor even though he had only known him for a little bit of time. His first instincts about a person are usually correct and his first thought about Kiyotaka was that he was as annoying as hell and a nosy know-it-all.

He wasn’t a heartless monster though and he really felt for the guy when Leon was going off about how crazy he was just ‘cuz he’s getting therapy. 

Ishimaru normally just pisses him off because of how much he yells at everyone about the smallest things like incorrect uniform or running in the halls and stuff but he still felt kinda bad for him.

But he was fine with feeling bad for him without actually helping but when Kiyotaka came back into class looking fucking miserable and no-one else paid any notice, his heart went out for him. Mondo felt the urge to protect him, like his brother had taught him to protect women, even though Kiyotaka wasn’t a women and certainly didn’t seem to be weak either. 

He was planning to go talk to Ishimaru but then bell rung signalling the start of afternoon lessons. He was planning to talk to him after the day ended but the guy bolted. He did look a little more alive though by the time the day ended so Mondo decided that he didn’t need to chase after him or anything.

He was still pissed off at Leon though. Normally he seemed like such a cool dude. When he’d first met him (one of the rare cases where his first instincts were off), he thought he was a bit annoying but one decent conversation later, he seemed cool. Leon mouthing off about Ishimaru was really fucked up and really unlike him. He’s still pissed off.

But he’s Mondo Owada the Leader of the crazy Diamond biker gang and he’s STRONG so he’s not gonna mope around just because he’s annoyed at a mate and feeling sorry for an enemy. Well, not really an enemy but he still really doesn’t like the guy.

His whole world didn’t revolve around how fuckin’ happy the hall monitor was. Better just get on with his evening and forget about the whole thing.  
Kiyotaka was having the same thought. 

He’d faced adversity before. People had stolen his work and his homework and made fun of him. He’d been attacked and beaten and insulted plenty of times before so he was disappointed in himself for being so effected by a few words. 

There was no way he could do the homework now but he wasn’t as stressed about it. The teacher wasn’t mad and it wouldn’t affect his grades at all so he stopped worrying quite so much. However, he did still have to redeem himself as a modal student and to achieve this he decided to throw himself head first into moral committee duties. 

First he headed back to him room to clean himself up a little. The day’s wear and tear left him looking dishevelled. Also he needed to tidy up a little. He had an example to set so he straightened the covers of his bed and rearranged his notes and pens that had been disordered during his crying fit. 

Then he moved to the bathroom where he observed himself in the mirror. He pulled his shirt into place, removing the crinkles and then he straightened his armband.  
Small details matter, he thought as he splashed water onto his face to remove the signs of crying that he had previously neglected to notice. 

When Ishimaru finally looked presentable again, he walked out of his dorm with purpose. He was ready to make the school a student friendly environment that is free of delinquency. 

That was his job, his purpose. He needed to work to avoid being a useless, broken robot. He never wanted to be a robot but he wanted especially to avoid being a useless one.  
Unbeknownst to Kiyotaka, word had spread that he had been spacy that day and the people who were already striving to avoid him at all costs (the rule breakers that Kiyotaka hated so much) were less cautious. They assumed that the hall monitor would be taking the Friday off to find a better state of mind but they were wrong. Kiyotaka was going to be very busy that evening handing out detention slips.

The first rule breakers he found was a group of third years smoking round the back of the building. No-one had been particularly violent in resisting detention so he had only had to suffer through some mild insults and complaints. Instead they were busy cursing themselves for being so reckless and getting caught by a first year.

That trend was similar in the response and thoughts of most of the other people who he gave detention.

Surprisingly it was a good hour or so, when Kiyotaka had mostly done the vast majority of his job before he was met with much resistance. Kiyotaka was ambling though the room outside of the dining hall, feeling rather proud of the amount of people that he had been able to put on the right path already that week, when someone ran into him.

“Running is not welcome in a school environment. I will have to issue you with an after school detention!” Kiyotaka announced after regaining his composure after being knocked to the ground

“What the fuck! All I did was knock you over, you can’t give me a detention for that!”

“It is my responsibility as the Ultimate Moral Compass to foster an environment where everyone is safe and can learn to the best of their ability. Breaking the rules prohibit the learning of other around you therefore I will issue you with a detention for running in the halls,” Kiyotaka explained calmly trying to pacify the angry student. 

Instead of giving a dignified response the other student growled and then punched Kiyotaka hard in the face. 

Ishimaru was shocked but wasn’t hurt too badly. He’d faced worse. 

A few seconds passed before the violent student tried to attack him again, this time tackling him to the ground. 

Mondo just happened to exit the dining hall after having a nice snack with Chihiro and Leon (he’d told him about his grievances and moved on) just in time to see the brawl.  
He watched Kiyotaka get punched in the face and was just as shocked. He could just sense the anger of the other boy and was so confused. Why would someone want to punch Ishimaru? Actually, he’d thought about punching the guy before but he still couldn’t understand what would provoke someone to actually do it.

Then his defensive instincts kicked in again and he moved angrily over to the two people. However, before he could step in to use his strength to defend Kiyotaka from the attacked he witnessed something jaw-dropping. 

Kiyotaka pushed the smaller (but still fairly strong looking) guy off of him and jumped up before forcefully but in a controlled manner, restraining him against the wall. He held the struggling and thrashing boy against the wall for a minuet until he had calmed down before giving the kid a detention.  
When did he get that strong?

Then he watched in awe as Kiyotaka peacefully continued on his way to the dining hall as if he hadn’t just been attacked. 

Kiyotaka, on the other hand, wasn’t feeling peaceful. He was feeling miserable again after having caused another person to attack him. He didn’t understand why giving the boy a detention caused him to get violent. Another way that he didn’t understand his peers…

Robots don’t understand humans though so who would anyone expect him to be able to?

“Hey, Ishimaru!” Someone called out to him from behind.

It was Owada. He already seemed to be a bit of a trouble maker and Kiyotaka had already given him three detentions that week. He shouted out in class and acted hot-headedly and although he was far from being a respectable member of society, he seemed to at least have morals.

“Yes! Good evening Owada,” he responded as he stopped and turned to face his taller classmate.

“Shit! Are you okay? I saw you get beat on by that kid.” He swore as he fidgeted awkwardly. 

“Language! I am fine, I know full well how to defend myself” Ishimaru said and nodded confidently to himself.

“Yeah, I saw that. It was pretty bad ass” Kiyotaka wasn’t proud that he had had to use force to subdue the boy but being complimented didn’t feel too bad. However, he had no idea how to respond to a compliment. Just thank him, he supposed.

“Thank you Owada!” He practically yelled before containing himself and continuing “I must be going now, have a nice evening.”

Kiyotaka ended the awkward transition rather well which restored his mood and kept the worries that he would never be able to talk to people at bay for a little while.  
He whistled quietly as strolled into the dining hall for dinner just early enough that the room was nearly empty. A few people were still having a snack: he spotted Leon and Chihiro chatting amicably and eating melon bread and he watched in confusion as Yamada poured Celestia tea and addressed her as “mistress”.

Ishimaru’s eventful day was brought to a close as he neatly ate a bowl of simple noodles (with spring onions in) and a roll of bread. The other foods you had to pay for and Kiyotaka was against wasting money. Besides, he didn’t want to burden his father with more debt. 

The noodles were delicious either way.


	5. Self Reward and Self Neglgence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self negligence is surprisingly easy when you're an Ishimaru.

Just because he’d decided to move on and forget about what had happened regarding therapy didn’t mean that his negativity had completely disappeared. He was feeling slightly better though and the idea of going to therapy was slightly more appealing. 

He decided to look at therapy as fixing himself. It was fixing the cracks in his mind and making sure that he could be an actually person rather than a broken robot. No-one needed to talk about it, he would just get it over and done with. Maybe the risk to his reputation would be worth it in the long run.

The teacher sent a message to him on Saturday via the school handbook saying the details about his first therapy meeting. Luckily one of the third years was the Ultimate Therapist and she was more than happy to help someone.

Miaya Gekkogahara… From what Kiyotaka had heard, she seemed sweet, very quiet but enthusiastic. 

If his father was here right now he would say that he should marry such a respectable women. His father’s opinion of marriage was one of the only things he disagreed with, Kiyotaka still wanted to believe in love. He wanted to believe that no matter how worthless he was, someone might still love him one day. He allowed himself to be naïve just once.  
Miaya Gekkogahara was a professional and he was going to treat her as one and not as a potential wife! That is, when he actually met her. 

He was still getting to know the people at his school so he barely recognise any names or faces, luckily his teacher had included her student profile picture with her contact details and place and time to meet. 

In a non-judgmental way, she looked like she had been described. It was the way that she was posed, she looked calm, quiet but happy – The perfect therapist. Not that he had had experience with good or bad therapists so he couldn’t say. 

The message told Kiyotaka to meet Miss Gekkogahara in her room on the third floor of the dorms at midday on Sunday. Until then, he had all of the time in the world to revise all of the material that he had learnt and neglected to revise (due to his… breakdowns) throughout his first week.

Perfect, a whole free Saturday that he could use to his full extent without having to do his duty as hall monitor or do house chores or cook. He felt slightly bad for indulging in himself so much but it felt bad in a good way because he knew that he was fulfilling the expectations that were placed on him – He was acting as the perfect student!

He scolded himself for being so proud and getting distracted from the revision questions that he had laid out on his desk. If he focused now and didn’t take many breaks then he would have all of his revision (plus some work on topics that hadn’t even been mentioned yet) done in time to see Miss Gekkogahara.

So he did focus. For once he had an absolutely silent room and silent head. Hope’s Peak was truly giving him an opportunity to thrive as the Ultimate Moral Compass and he didn’t plan on wasting it like his Grandfather had. 

Even though, in that particular moment a painful rumble erupted from his stomach distracting him and all he wanted was food, he wasn’t going to waste time on breakfast, he would use his time productively and not waste a single moment.

The thing about Kiyotaka is that when he cleared his mind and focused on work then those were the only thoughts that he processed. All other thoughts of hunger or fatigue were so distant that they felt as if they were in another room. 

It had its drawbacks though as (if left in the right condition: silent and undisturbed) he would sometimes work himself to the point of passing out. He never meant to foolishly risk his health but when he was working he sometimes just didn’t notice the time, if he was tired, thirsty or hungry. 

Luckily for him, today wasn’t one of these days and he noticed sometimes in the late evening that his hunger pains felt so strong he thought he was being eaten alive. Perhaps a small food break was necessary to ensure he didn’t pass out.

As he marched through the eerily silent and dark halls, Ishimaru calculated how much he had eaten and drunk over the past days. 

He hadn’t had breakfast on Friday because he was so stressed about his homework, nor lunch because he was crying. He had eaten noodles and bread rolls and drunk tap water at dinner but he had been too focused on work to have anything to eat or drink today. 

In fact he hadn’t eaten much this week at all. He had been too worried the day before school so didn’t eat in case he threw up. He had been fine on Monday because he hadn’t tackled the homework sheet so had eaten bountifully but hadn’t eaten well after that point once he realised he couldn’t answer the last question.

How had he not noticed his lack of self-care?!

Oh well, as soon as he had his fill of free food and stopped feeling so faint. That would solve the problem.

The walk to the dining hall seemed to take infinity even though it was only a short walk away. Maybe that was because the world was spinning, maybe he had just been going in circles and never getting anywhere… as usual.

Wow, he really needs some food as he was feeling light… really light… too light.

His body weight collapsed carelessly and his hand holding on desperately to the door was the only thing keeping him upright. 

He pushed the door. It didn’t move. He pushed harder and rattled it.

Why was it locked? What hooligan had monopolized the canteen and locked him out? How was he going to get the nourishment that he so desperately needed now?  
Wait…

The dark corridors. The silence that echoed in every space he occupied. The locked door…

It was night time wasn’t it?

He was so focused that he must have missed the curfew announcement entirely. He was so hungry and out of it that he didn’t think to check the time…  
The world started spinning again, faster this time and he felt his grip on the door handle loosed and he didn’t have time to register his body hitting the floor with a loud thud before he blacked out.

The corridors where empty, no-one would hear his fall. No-one would see how he failed again. No-one had to know. He would just wake up at some point, go back to his dorm and wait until the morning to go get some food. But he wasn’t waking up, he was out like a light and from far away he looked like a corpse.  
That didn’t happen though because no-one was around to see, no-one was around to worry. 

Who would find him during night-time anyway?


	6. Knight In Shining Armour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mondo helps Kiyotaka and Kiyotaka has some questions to answer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue is hard to right. I'm sick but here is an update anyway!!!
> 
> Very important stuff in the end notes. Very important!

Shit!

Mondo knew that leaving his room past curfew was probably not the best idea, if he got caught by someone he might get into trouble. It was this thought that spurred him on to do it though, he was the leader of a gang so he shouldn’t be afraid of a little trouble – Trouble was his middle name.

He found himself in a different kind of trouble however. The kind of trouble that he wouldn’t have expected in a million years.

Why did he have to be the one to find the hall-monitors body?

At first glance, he looked dead so he checked his pulse and found out that he was alive, just unconscious.

Daiya always told him that it’s okay to punch people if they deserve it but don’t punch people who can’t punch back. He had to protect those people or he was just common, criminal scum. He wasn’t, he is Mondo fuckin’ Owada and he honours his brother so he had to protect Ishimaru and look after him in his helpless state. 

That didn’t mean that he was exactly thrilled to be carrying Kiyotaka over his shoulder and into his rom. Thank god there wasn’t anyone else around to see it. He had a reputation to upkeep after all and he didn’t want his chances at hanging out with some cooler people to be wrecked. 

God... He sounded like a desperate little girl.

Oh well, now that he had brought Kiyotaka back to his room, he had no idea what to do now… So he just sort of flung him onto the bed. He checked his pulse again, just making sure he’s not dead, and then sunk down into his desk hair. 

Well… this is awkward.

Damn, it’s late and he wants to sleep. He couldn’t just lay down on his bed because it would be inappropriate if Kiyotaka was to wake up. If that happened, he would have a lot of explaining to do.

Actually… He mused as he rocked back on his chair. Kiyotaka had some explaining to do as well, more than he did at least.

Why was the guy passed out in the hallway at night? Had the guy that had attacked him come back for a rematch or something? No, that wasn’t it. He wasn’t bleeding from anywhere, he would have noticed the pink blood. Maybe there was only a little bit of blood and he didn’t notice it.

Driven by this thought, Mondo felt compelled to give him a quick once over and make sure that he definitely, 100% wasn’t bleeding. However, as soon as he leaned in a little closer, he immediately noticed a small patch of blood dripping through his hair. Shit! What if he had a brain injury or something?!

“… Urghh,” Kiyotaka stirred, waking up at the perfect moment to find Mondo looming over him, cradling his head. Ishimaru still felt faint and there was a dull throbbing pain in his head but at least the world had stopped spinning.

It was worse when Mondo jumped in surprise and dropped his head suddenly causing Kiyotaka to hit it again on the back of the bed. 

“Aw! Oh, hello Mondo! Wait…Why am I in your room?” Ishimaru rubbed his head in pain as he sat up and turned to face Mondo.

“Uhh… Well… You looked like you were fricking dead so I took you back to my room,” Mondo had no idea how to explain what he had done without sounding creepy. He made sure to not include the part where he sat and watched him or held him head.

“Then thank you! However, why were you out and about during night-time anyways, the student handbook lays out very clear rules regarding curfew?” Kiyotaka shuffled off of the bed and sat up before feeling a wave of sudden dizziness and discreetly leaning on the head board to support himself.

“Well I was- Hey! You can’t interrogate me without explaining why YOU were breaking the rule first, asshole!” Mondo bent down to Ishimaru’s level and glared at him intimidatingly. Well Mondo thought I was frightening, Kiyotaka used the close up to notice the bold mascara that he was wearing instead.

Ah, Ishimaru was stuck. He didn’t know whether to explain to Mondo why he was out and let someone else see his stupidity and weakness or just leave without a word. However, considering Mondo had tried to care for him, he felt that he owed his classmate an explanation.

“I was on my way to get some dinner but when I got to the dining hall, I noticed that it was already night and then passed out,” Kiyotaka explained to Mondo in a curt voice that made it seem like randomly passing out was completely normal. 

This left Mondo more confused because he had had to rule out the possibility of Kiyotaka passing out because of an attack but he still had no clue why he would just suddenly black out. It made him a little annoyed that Kiyotaka had completely dodged the question.

“Hey, you still ain’t said why you only realised it was night-time at the dining hall and you still haven’t said why you passed out!” Mondo unintentionally raised his voice as he interrogated the hall-monitor further. 

That hadn’t worked, Mondo was still asking him to explain but he couldn’t lie. Maybe he could just water down the truth a little…

“Use your indoor voice! I didn’t notice that curfew had passed because I was busy studying like any good student should and I was so focused that I missed the announcement.” Kiyotaka had never been good at lying (or any social skills really) and so Mondo knew straight away that he wasn’t telling the whole story. Before he could press him for a proper explanation he continued talking.

“And I passed out because… Well… I was so focused that I forgot to eat.”

Mondo hadn’t expected that. Kiyotaka lectured everyone in the dining hall about a healthy diet and vigorous exercise regime so it was pretty hypocritical of him to not eat.  
He was going to point that out but he looked at Ishimaru he saw the same face that he had seen on Friday and decided that it would be a real dick move to contradict him. The face was a face that said so many things. It said that he knew he was a hypocrite, it looked full of fear and regret and even a bit of self-hatred. Maybe his idea to protect the guy wasn’t too bad but then who did he need to protect him from? He seemed pretty strong when dealing with physical assaults and surely the therapy would help him get better at dealing with the verbal attack. Maybe like "emotional support" or some other psychologist babble? No. That made him sound like his fucking boyfriend when the were barely even friends; Mondo just so happened to feel a immense desire to protect him because of his Moral values. Yes, Moral value... definitely the moral values.

A lingering thought did bother him though, how could someone not eat for a day and then pass out, wasn’t it a three day rule or something?

“Well, I suppose if it was a one-time thing then there’s nothin’ to worry about. Just take care of yourself next time!” Mondo boomed and then chuckled, trying to add a bit of light-heartedness to the conversation.

Kiyotaka refused to make eye contact and didn’t confirm or deny Mondo’s question. He was avoiding lying (because he was terrible at it and also thought that lying and cheating were the same and he didn’t want to be like his grandfather) so just remained silent. He did make a promise to himself to not let it happen again, though.

“You can sleep here if you need to but your room is across the hall”

“I’m afraid that I cannot sleep with you but I can’t leave at night either because of the curfew. Sleeping out of your dormitory is against school rules.”

“No. Sleeping anywhere other than the dorms is banned but this is a dorm. It didn’t specify which.”

“Ah well… Then I suppose that is the best option, I shall sleep here tonight. Thank you for the offer, Mondo, that’s very kind of you”

Kiyotaka laid back down onto the bed and Mondo shuffled onto the bed as well. Both boys wanted to avoid touching each other but Mondo, having not slept all night, fell asleep quickly and an exhausted Ishimaru followed soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where to take this work. I have a few ideas. Mondo and Ishimaru become friends (I know how that will happen already) then:
> 
> Leon takes the mick out of Mondo and Taka for "sleeping together" and Kiyotaka gets upset because he thinks that Leon hates him for some reason and is trying to ruin his reputation by spreading rumors about him. Mondo onforts Ishimaru and basically says "Your not gay so what's the problem". He cries harder and Mondo is a supportive friend for him
> 
> Or that but Mondo is gay and developed a crush on Taka so then romance stuff.
> 
> Or:
> 
> Taka hears Leon's sexual jokes about him "sleeping over" and gets confused because he always thought that people only married for money and politics and wasn't aware about love. However he starts to see others who are in love [cough cough aoi and sakura cough cough] and wonders why he has never felt love. He thinks that he cant love people and that's another reason that he is a broken machine.
> 
> Mondo hears about his dilemma and tries to help. He sets him up with a variety of people of all genders but nothing works. (Hilariously awkward dates ensured).
> 
> Then Mondo heards aoi (who I believe is cannobly ace) telling sakura about the differance between ace and aro and Mondo thinks that that might make sense for Kiyotaka. Mondo tried to reassure Kiyotaka that he isn't broken and nothing is wrong with him and they settle on both being single but not alone. Bromance stuff ensured.


	7. "Just sleeping over"?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Mondo and Taka's impromptu sleepover, Leon sees something that gives him the wrong idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Big chapter to make up for the lack of chapters recently. As you can tell from the comments from the last chapter, I'm going to write the Kiyotaka/ Mondo romance (option 1). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, its quite fun to write Leon but I worry that I'm not characterising Leon and Mondo differently and that they sound far to similar. I am trying though. However, if you have any tips on how to write any of these characters, it would be unbelievably appreciated.

Leon had had an awesome Saturday. Without the hall-monitor around to tell him and his new friends what to do any try to control him. One of his new second year friends, Souda, had bought a pack of beer to share so they’d had a small party in his room – Thank god for the sound proof walls! There was a cute chick there, Sonia Never mind, but Souda was totally drooling over her so he decided to put off making a move on her until he wasn’t new to the group. He didn’t want to lose the only cool friends he could find.

Well Mondo seems pretty badass and Chihiro seems sweet if a bit timid so she’ll probably remain a friend. Actually, Mondo had been pretty pissed at him for what he said about the hall-monitor on Friday but they’d moved on from it. He still didn’t feel the need to apologise though because Ishimaru had still been doing his job as the Ultimate Hard-ass so was clearly fine. Just trying to ruin his fun… again.

It was weird that Mondo had been so pissed off with him though, he didn’t like the guy either so why would he defend him like that./ Maybe he wanted to be friend (or more) with him despite how annoying he was. They were both very proud and frightening people (those eyebrows though) with high standards of morals even if Ishimaru enforced them onto everyone else, they might be good friends…

Nah! That would never happen. The hall-monitor is all “Rules! Rules! Rules!” but Mondo is the embodiment of “Fuck the Rules!” and they could barely spend five minutes without shouting their heads off at each other. Scratch that, Ishimaru couldn’t last a minuet in conversation without screaming about the god damn rules so maybe it wasn’t his fault. Mondo only really screamed when he was trying to pick up chicks.

Not that there were many hot girls to chat up anyway. Asahina was fit but was totally into Sakura (Leon could tell from the way they looked at each other) and Sakura was terrifying. Fukawa was just… weird. Chihiro was a friend. Kyouko probably wouldn’t date him because she’s so withdrawn and Miss Mysterious, also Naegi seemed into her and Leon sort of owed him for yelling at him so wouldn’t try to steal his girl. Celestia was a walking nightmare and Leon didn’t plan on being her servant like Hifumi so he was just going to stay away from her. Also, he didn’t plan on going near Mukuro; she was a soldier for god’s sake! She would kill him if he flirted with another girl like he was used to doing. 

That left Sayaka and Junko. Both hot and successful, they were anything he’d ever wanted in a woman but Sayaka was so much more superior. She was a Pop Idol and had connections. Leon imagined them on stage together at a huge gig and then passionate kissing after. His fans would go mental if he dated a Pop Star (not his baseball fans because he didn’t care about them but his punk music fans) but mental in a good way.

So on Sunday, when he knew she had a day off, Leon didn’t sleep in and decided to try and have breakfast with her. However, his plan was totally blown away when he saw something so hilariously absurd. As soon as he stepped out of his room, he saw a dishevelled Ishimaru leaving his. It wasn’t the fact that he looked like hell that was funny (although it was pretty entertaining) but because, on second glance, he noticed that he hadn’t come out of his room at all: he had exited Mondo’s!

It looked like he’d slept the night and he looked pretty rough…  
They’d had sex!

It was obvious. Kiyotaka looked a little light on his feet as he walked across to his room and his hair was messy and his clothes crumples (like they’d been put on in a rush perhaps…). It was pretty obvious. Oh god, this would be hilarious to mess around with Mondo with. 

That’s fuckin’ hilarious. No wonder the guy had so much trouble chatting up girls; he was really just suppressing his homosexual urges. The thought was entertaining but he probably shouldn’t mention that last part to Mondo or he’d get his face pummelled. 

Leon decided to just wait and have breakfast with Mondo (if he had enough energy to get up that is) and see how it went. Sayaka wasn’t going anywhere anyway so there were plenty of opportunities to eat with here. 

So Leon paid for a bowl of fried pork with ginger, a bowl of miso soup and white rice. Pretty boring (totally not rock star food) but actually pretty damn enjoyable. He was dosing off at his table (having had a night of F-U-N… tiring fun) when he heard Mondo sit down across from him with toast, sausages and a pot of yoghurt. 

Mondo slammed a cup of coffee onto the table space in front of him. Startled, Leon woke up from his semi-slumber. 

“What was that for!?” he demanded. The rude awakening was defiantly not appreciated, he was tired god dammit!

“Rise n’ shine, Sunshine!” Mondo greeted sarcastically.

“Damn, why are you so loud? It’s the morning for god’s sake,” Leon look a swig of the coffee that Mondo had brought him, bitter but it did the job of waking him up a little.

He mumbled a word of thanks to Mondo before getting some sugar from the condiments basket at the other side of the room, pouring in about four pouches, stirring and gulping down the whole contents of the cup. 

At least he was awake now but he was bored, bored, bored. Mondo wasn’t talking as he attacked his steamed rice and rolled omelet with vigor so they both sat in silence, both of them eating their breakfast. How boring!

How could he have forgotten?! He had seen something mind-blowing that morning. This was going to be hilarious…

Leon quickly finished his mouthful before asking suggestively “So how was your night with the hall-monitor? Tiring?”

Mondo practically spat out his food, actually he did because Leon could feel the spit on his face and it was disgusting. The look on Mondo’s face made it all worth it though, he was blushing in an unbelievably dark shade of red. Oh my god, it was priceless. Leon wished he had a camera with him but he’d left his phone in his room by accident. 

“Wh-What do you mean?! Come on, man, you’re joking right?!” he spluttered desperately which only made Leon laugh harder.

This was just too funny for words!

“I bet you and him were really busy last night, if you get what I mean,” he pushed him even further with his ridiculous accusations.

“Shut the hell up, you asshole!” Mondo jumped out of his chair to tower over him. He tried to look intimidating. He was intimidating but Leon was a soon to be punk legend so he could be equally intimidating if he wanted. It’s a shame that he couldn’t stop laughing in time to be scary back! 

As his laughter died down slightly, he noticed the slowly trickling line of people waiting to get breakfast. Junko and Mukuro were talking animatedly together (well, it looked like it was mostly just Junko talking and Mukuro listening). Kiyotaka was in line as well, having a fired up conversation with the chef as he piled a ridiculous amount of food onto his plate.  
But really he couldn’t care less about the chicks he couldn’t date and the other uncool guys, he had his new friend Mondo.

“Your blushing proves it! You totally had a one night stand with that guy,” Leon wasn’t laughing manically anymore, just an affectionate chuckle as he poked fun at his new friend.  
“Fuckin’ hell I did! He just slept over ‘s all” 

“That’s weird…” Leon was very confused. The idea that they had sex made far more sense than him “just sleeping over”. 

“Y-Yeah well… I was just lookin’ after him cuz he wasn’t well. I was just being honourable!” 

“Honourable? Sounds like you just wanted to get into that jackass’s good books, Why that, huh?!” Leon questioned him (with a blatantly obvious suggestive undertone) as he finished off the rest of his fried pork and his miso soup.  
“Dammit! I was just doing something nice cuz I felt obligated to. Don’t make it sound like a crime, asshole and don't try to suggest I fancy the guy either!” 

“… Sure…. But maybe you just wanted the hall-monitor to owe you one or... maybe you wanted him to think that you’re a knight in shining armour and be your girl. Well, guy but whatever – Same difference” Leon was unconvinced. Sounded like he just wanted an excuse to sleep with Mr Rules, to Leon.

“Well if you’re such a goddamn expert at romance that you think that you can just make up any shit you like, how come you can’t even have one conversation with Sayaka?!” Mondo retorted calling Leon out on the fact that he honestly wasn’t much of an expert with relationships no matter how much of a flirt he was. 

It was his weak spot though (the fact that not many girls gave him much of a chance) and Mondo knew that. Leon was not pleased, he’d get back at Mondo for that later.

As their slightly awkward and aggressive but amicable conversation ceased, another person came to their table but only hovered instead of bringing a chair over and sitting down. Leon was very glad for that because the person was Kiyotaka. Just because he felt bad for being mean to the guy didn’t mean he suddenly liked him or was glad to talk to him. He definitely didn’t want to talk to him. 

“Good morning, Owada. Good morning, Kuwata” Kiyotaka beamed enthusiastically in his normal overly loud voice. 

“Mornin’,” Mondo greeted gruffly but not exactly in an annoyed manner.

“I’m not doing anything wrong so piss off!” that… came out much harder than he’d intended so he corrected himself.

“Umm… What I mean is that we aren’t doing anything wrong so you don’t have to like give us detention or anything.”

Mondo gave him a look that was a mix of pissed off and confused. 

“Hahahah. Don’t worry Kuwata, I only came to talk to Owada so you’re not in trouble. However, I must reprimand you on your use of swear words.” Ishimaru just completely blew off the hint but at least he didn’t go into a catatonic state because of it.

“What about?” Mondo actually sounded intrigued and not annoyed. What was going on?

“I just wanted to say thank you for last night and sorry for leaving so early this morning without a word,” Ishimaru explained. Typical one-night stand phrase. 

“No problem, it’s not like I could have not helped you,” Mondo responded again. Seriously, what was happening? Where they like friends now or something? 

Ishimaru turned to leave but Leon muttered something under his breath that made him stop in his tracks.

Leon had fake coughed before muttering “Gay!” and Kiyotaka was shocked. 

Actually no, shocked wasn’t the word for it; Ishimaru’s stomach dropped and for a moment he was terrified but he had promised himself that along with dedicating himself to his duties and studies more, eating regularly, sleeping enough and seeing his therapist, he wouldn’t allow the words of his peers to hurt him anymore. 

In middle school he had built up a barrier to bullies that was constantly tested and reinforced. He put up with it but he didn’t get hurt. 

His one slip on Friday made him remember that he still needed that wall. His peers seemed nicer here but Friday had taught him an important lesson; even nice people would never like an Ishimaru. Mondo’s kindness (however reluctant it was) had made him question himself again. Were there really people that would like an Ishimaru? Apparently not…

Build a barrier. Don’t get hurt. Don’t be weak.


	8. Fix a nose, fix a reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon realises that he might have fucked up just a little (just a lot).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really bad at writing. I have very little experience and really very little writing skill. 
> 
> I've been re-reading this and I've realised how shit it is. I can't write these characters. I can't write plot or romance. It is full of waffle and senseless and shit.
> 
> So... I thought you should know that I am aware of how low quality this is and that you should know that it probably won't get much better.

Kiyotaka wasn’t responding to Leon even though he had just been called gay out of the blue. What problem does that asshole even have with Ishimaru? First that shit he’d spouted about therapy and now this? 

“What the fuck, man!” Mondo yelled aggressively at Leon in an attempt to make Leon realise that he’d just done something pretty messed up.

Leon was sat sunk down in his chair wearing a smug grin as he observed the shocked and baffled (slightly hurt) face of Ishimaru and paid absolutely no attention to Mondo whatsoever. 

“Leon, what the hell was that for?!” Mondo tried again, his voice getting progressively louder and he felt a growing sense of offense even though he had not been the one to be insulted. There was that protective feeling again… Still a very odd feeling.

“Just proving that I’m the one who knows about romance,” he explained before standing up and yelling to everyone in the dining hall “And Mondo and Ishimaru are gay so you can’t say I’m the one who doesn’t get girls!” 

Silence. The room went silent because of Leon once more but it didn’t stay that way for long. Everyone was watching Leon’s table with curiosity; Mondo’s veins were bulging unhealthily, Kiyotaka looked distraught and panicked and Leon was still wearing that stupid smug grin. 

“Shut the hell up!” Mondo broke the silence with his yelling as he rose out of his seat to face Leon. 

Everyone else in the room could see that Leon was in danger but not Leon himself. Leon was feeling intelligent because to him, he had defended his ego in a funny way but because he was too busy looking around the room to see his peers shocked reactions, he didn’t notice the raging boy in front of him.

If he had, he might have apologised. Admittedly, Leon hadn’t thought about how his comeback might affect Mondo and Ishimaru. He was fine with upsetting Mondo a bit cuz Mondo had been the one to draw first blood (he really shouldn’t have made fun of Leon and Sayaka’s non-existent relationship!) but he’d kinda forgotten about the other person who could get hurt; Ishimaru.

It was an in-the-moment decision that he’d done twice, he hadn’t thought about it before he said it. Being a famous punk legend (in the making) and a lame but also famous baseball player meant that Leon had never really been taught to be wary of what he said. No matter who he offended, no-one would care because of his talent.

Actually, that wasn’t quite right. There had been a time where he’d said something stupid that his talent hadn’t made up for. 

Kanon had been really annoying him one day (more annoying than usual). She had told a girl who he was hella into that he was a flirt. Leon was a flirt but he didn’t want girls to know that! He’d been on a date with the girl and had left to go to the bathroom. When he got back, Kanon was sitting in his seat and telling the girl about literally all of his flaws!  
He’d got really angry at her then because the girl had given him a disgusted look and left due to Kanon’s meddling! He knew that Kanon had been training for a while to keep up with Leon on his dates and blend in with her surrounding (Leon had to admit that that was pretty impressive) but she usually just stayed back and scowled at the couple. 

So he was pretty damn annoyed at her but he knew that she was hurting because he was dating other girls and he’s not a monster. Leon thought of Kanon like a little sister so didn’t want to hurt her feelings. 

He’d set her a challenge. She had to throw a baseball at 160 kilometres per hour. To Leon it seemed like a realistic challenge with how fit she was but when he next met her, he realized his mistake. The record for a female throw was 140 kilometres per hour so she thought that she had been tricked. Leon noticed the callouses on her skin from the amount of practice that she had done (even though she thought she was being tricked) and felt unbelievably bad.

Leon had made a mistake that time and his talent hadn’t made up for it. Maybe he should have learnt to control his words after all, they’d caused pain to more people than just Kanon. Yeah, he should think before he speaks. 

Why on earth had he outted Mondo and Ishimaru in front of everyone? It wasn’t as funny as he’d first thought.

However, the fact that the smug grin had been wiped from his face didn’t stop Mondo’s anger. He was still really fucking pissed and before he knew it he had balled his hand into a fist and swung it at him.

Pain throbbed in Leon's nose immediately. Fuck!

Leon took a few seconds to reel from the attack before yelling “What the fuck!” at Mondo. 

But Mondo didn’t respond or attempt to justify his actions to his friend instead he sat back in his chair and had a nice long gaze at the shocked faces of all of the people who had witnessed the whole incident. It wasn’t the affect that he usually got when he pulled a stunt like that (he got looks of awe from the members of his gang who respected him) but it would have to do for now. 

He’d done the right thing; he wasn’t just punching people for fun and Leon wasn’t that weak so it shouldn’t have been a big deal. But it was. 

As soon as he had snapped out his stunned state, Kiyotaka started yapping at him. Even though they’d had a somewhat friendly encounter, he still wasn’t gonna spare him the lecture. “Rules” this “Rules” that; it’s pretty much the only thing he talked about.

To shut him up, Mondo just gave a few conformational grunts and begrudgingly took the detention slip. He knew that punching (regardless of how eligible the meaning for it was) was largely frowned upon at school and with the amount of witnesses, he couldn’t deny it so just accepted the punishment – A week’s worth of detention.

Fan-fukcing-tastic! Next time; he’ll punch him in private. Hopefully he won’t have to punch Leon again with him being a friend and all but if he deserved it, he wouldn’t hesitate. Especially if he embarrassed or shamed Ishimaru again… 

There was that misplaced felling of protectiveness again… 

Leon’s nose would heal quite quickly but there would be bruising and pain. Leon was, however, aware of the fact that he kind of did deserve it. 

Mondo had brushed him off when he tried to bring up his rant about Kiyotaka when they’d hung out on Friday. 

He had been prepared to swallow his pride and apologise but seeing Mondo so pissed at him for what he’d done (Mondo’s anger at him could only be explained by his theory about Mondo crushing hard on the hall-monitor or maybe it was his moral but it was probably the first idea) he had decided to just let him cool off. But as it turns out, Mondo just wanted to forget about it and didn’t seem to want an apology at all. 

It had left a bit of tension in the air though and Leon was certain that he had still been mad and now he had confirmations. With his comment about Kiyotaka and Mondo (them totally dating or banging or whatever) and when he’d called them “Gay!” on top of it, Mondo had finally blown his top.

I suppose, that’s why you apologise quickly so that you don’t get punched in the face even if you don’t understand why you need to, he realised.  
Too late now though. 

Leon escorted himself to the nurse’s office and left behind the chaos of Kiyotaka blowing his top at Mondo and Mondo’s grumbling with background noise of shock, confusion and a little bit of laughter. Everyone will have forgotten it by tomorrow and his nose would heal and now at least he didn’t have to apologise to Mondo for what he’d said. 

Leon cared mostly about whether Mondo was pissed at him cuz he seemed like a cool friend to have but deep down he knew that just because Mondo punched him, Mondo would still be annoyed at him unless he apologised to Kiyotaka. Seriously, Leon would be totally okay with just accepting the punch and moving past the whole thing.

The lesson was learnt though; he really had to watch his mouth around the hall- monitor and his boyfriend. Stop making jokes before you’ve really considered how well they’ll be received.

Actually, he probably should also stop thinking they’re gay until they actually start dating (it will happen one day) or he might get punched again. And Leon was certain that another blow to his nose would break it and his fan girls would not be happy about that.

Leon sat in the nurse’s office and thought about his first week. It was different here; most people here had heard of him for one reason or another (be it his legendry punk or that baseball shit) but no-one idolises him. It’s not necessarily bad (it gives him a nice break actually) but it does mean that his words have consequences. When everyone is a fan and knows you’re famous they give you leeway but everyone here is famous in some way even if some are more well-known than others. 

The sexy nurse patches up the broken skin on his nose and applies ice for the swelling. She’s probably famous as well, Leon realised and that’s when it really, really hit him; everyone here was his equal. Everyone was special in some way. Everyone… Including the Ishimaru.

He needs to start caring about what people think because over the past week he’s probably made himself a quite unpopular dude without realising it. But how would he fix that, Leon really didn’t know how to fix his mistake. 

Fixing a reputation is definitely not as easy as it was for the nurse to fix his nose but at least Leon knew where to start – Apologise to Ishimaru as well.


	9. Invisible walls, Impossible doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more awkward dialogue for the few readers that I have left (:
> 
> I was supposed to be writing the therapy chapter but this is how it turned out. There will be more character development later on so don't shoot me for Mondo's easily upset temperament.

Kiyotaka had bigger things on his mind than the brawl at Lunch. 

The thought that Leon believed him to be a homosexual for some reason was frightening because he couldn’t understand what had made him think that. People in middle school had called him “Gay!” and so much more because they didn’t like him. This gave Ishimaru the conclusion that he must have upset Leon for some reason causing him to want to ruin his chances of being elected as prime minister.

However, Kiyotaka had done some research recently and found out that about 36% of Japanese voters are homophobic. This surprised him greatly because he’d always been raised on the idea that being gay would ruin his shot at having a career or a life. The statistics disagreed; the percentage of voters that are homophobic is decreasing dramatically every year and there are even some openly LGBT political parties. 

For this reason and this reason alone, Ishimaru wasn’t as upset by Leon’s accusation as he might have been a few months ago. The idea that Leon had wanted to tarnish his reputation was disconcerting but he was sure that he wouldn’t do it again. Mondo had taken care of that.

Kiyotaka had given his new (sort of) friend a week’s worth of detention for his actions. Mondo had seemed kind to him and their brief conversation had been one of the most pleasant ones that he had had for a while, a very long while. Mondo had punched Leon and in return Leon had sloped off moodily to the nurse’s office. 

For some reason, Ishimaru had a feeling that everything would turn out alright though. A comforting feeling, feeling that things would turn out okay, and one he rarely felt with much certainty. And for once, Ishimaru wasn’t going to be alone today so his mind wouldn’t have enough time to dwell on the matter until he over thought it and came to some terrible conclusion that usually involved people hating him.

He wasn’t going to think about it or it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead Ishimaru stood in front of his bedroom mirror, his stomach full of food one more, and pulled at his uniform until it looked perfectly neat. No crinkles or wrinkles or blemishes or stains. It was crisp clean and ironed perfectly. 

People said that it was odd to only wear your school uniform but Ishimaru found the clothes to be comforting. When he was in uniform so was everyone else so he fit in a little more than usual. It gave him authority and an aspect of control over his life. It gave him worth. The only thing that gave him value was his school work so he didn’t feel entirely worthless when in his school uniform.

So he chose to wear it even on a Sunday. He wanted to look his best for his meeting with Miaya Gekkogahara. First impressions are incredibly important and as it seems that his first impression with his class had not gone well at all, this one was all the more important. He wanted at least one person here to like him even if it was his therapist. 

There might be one person already who likes him a little though as Mondo had been kind to him since their impromptu sleepover. Makoto was kind to him but he seems to be kind to everyone so Ishimaru thought that that was probably just his nature rather than a proffer of friendship. 

Anyhow, he needed to clear those thoughts away for the time being. He had to focus so that he could pass his meeting with Miss Gekkogahara. The sooner that she can fix him the better chance he has of having a career; voters might be more lenient towards gay candidates then they used to be but it’s still true that no-one would vote for a psycho. The sooner the better...

However, as soon as he stepped out of his bedroom, he got distracted. When he turned back to close his door he noticed the name plate for Mondo’s room next to him. Name plate might not be quite the right word for it as it was in fact, like every other dorm name plate, a pixelated drawing of him. It was a pointless expenditure that the school seemed to insist on much to Ishimaru’s annoyance.

Mondo was probably in his room right now unless he was hanging out with Leon. Ishimaru wondered how he was doing considering his fist was probably damaged.

Wait! What if he was hurt in another way? Ishimaru had been too shocked to consider whether Leon’s comment had also been aimed at Mondo so what if he’d been upset by it. And all Ishimaru had done was yell at him and give him five days’ worth of detention for defending himself from slightly homophobic comments. And defending him too. He hadn’t even thanked him, he is such a terrible sort of friend.

These were the driving thoughts that made Ishimaru do something that he wouldn’t usually have done; he knocked on Mondo’s door.

Then he waited for an answer. And he waited and waited for a minute more. Was he even in his room? Perhaps he’d gone out. He checked his watch, maybe he was eating his lunch.  
“What the fuck do you want?”

“Good afternoon Owada! I just wanted to check up on you after you hurt you fist this morning” Kiyotaka explained carefully as he did not want to offend him. It didn’t work though.

“Of course I’m not hurt, I’m not a fucking cry-baby and I ain’t weak! I’m the leader of the Crazy Diamonds so I can deal a punch. If you want to go check up on someone, go see if Leon’s nose is still attached to his face,” Mondo laughed weakly at his own joke. Under his mask of pride, he honestly did want to make sure that he hadn’t hurt his friend too much. He had aimed at hurting him enough to teach him a lesson but not like, scar him for life or anything.

“Sorry Owada, I haven’t had the time to check up on him yet,” Kiyotaka admitted shamefully. He hadn’t even thought about going to visit his injured classmate. He failed again but he couldn’t just let his mind get off track.

He continued “Actually Owada, I came to check up on how you are… emotionally.” 

Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, he was bound to offend him again somehow. 

“What?!I already said I’m not weak. How hard is it to get that through your thick skull?” 

Silence followed the both of them. Kiyotaka stood awkwardly in the doorway, having not got an answer to his question. Mondo hadn’t shut the door either so he just stood there.

“Why do you think that I’d be upset anyway?” Mondo asked. He knew why he might be upset but he really didn’t expect the hall-monitor to pick up on it. He seemed to be pretty thick about other people’s emotions and social ques. 

“Leon’s comment seemed to be aimed at you as well”

“And?!” I dealt with the problem didn’t I? I dealt with it like a man unlike you who just blubbers and hands out stupid detention slips.”

“I do my job unlike you who uses unnecessary violence and fear to teach lessons.”

Mondo was pissed! This nerd was insulting him and telling him that he couldn’t do his job. Just like all of the members of his gang who insist that he’s not as good at leading as his brother was. How dare they?! 

He could feel the anger boiling up inside him as he thought about his gang and most importantly his brother. God dammit! 

He’s the most feared gang leader of all time and he’ll punch anyone who says otherwise. But he can’t punch the hall-monitor. Mainly because he’s already stuck in detention for, like, infinity and also because it would be a really asshole move to punch a guy who only passed out last night. He might not be the Ultimate Moral Compass but he does still have morals. 

Calm down. Calm down, control yourself. 

Instead of punching him, Mondo wanted to just slam the door on his face and get him gone. But he couldn’t cuz of fucking moral obligations. 

“Fine, whatever! So are you… Okay?” He asked cautiously as he barely swallowed his anger and pride.

“Yes, thank you for asking Owada. I’ve promised myself to not let silly comments like that bother me anymore.” 

Having two people who can barely hold a conversation talking alone was never a good idea. Ishimaru and Mondo were two of these people so more silence followed the awkward transition. 

“Sorry for bothering you, Owada. I have to be going now.”

Where would he even be going on a Sunday midday? With his rage subdued, he got curious. 

“Where you going?” 

“Well… I have a meeting with my therapist today” Ishimaru admitted reluctantly as he couldn’t see a way to avoid answering the question. 

Also, the boy in front of him was tall, loud and aggressive. Not that he was frightening to Kiyotaka but he had witnessed the punches that he could throw that morning. 

“Oh yeah… that,” how had Mondo not considered that but still… that was quick. Mondo had once heard that it can take years to get a meeting with a therapist.

“Yes. Goodbye Owada!” Ishimaru ended the conversation, a mercy kill in the history of conversations.

“Yeah, see you later” 

Mondo closed the door and sat down at his desk. He picked up the tools and wood that he had on the table and continued his carving. His enrolment at Hope’s Peak had triggered Mondo to start thinking about his future; a future where he couldn’t just be a gang leader. Carpentry was interesting though and Mondo could see himself doing it as a job when he graduated so was working to get good at it now before anyone saw.

Meanwhile, Kiyotaka was making his way to the third floor dorms where he was to have his first therapy session. The idea that Mondo knew that he had already started therapy didn’t sit well with him because, even though he seemed like a decent person, he could mention it to Leon who would probably tease him mercilessly. 

His classmates knew he was having therapy but having the first session two days later implied that he urgently needed it, that there was something seriously wrong with him. Ishimaru was trying to worry less about what people think but so far it wasn’t working very well. 

The idea of just turning around, going back to his room and using his time to study rather than waste resources that others needed more was tempting. He didn’t want to waste people’s time dealing with his unimportant problems. He’d never burdened them onto others before (he had tried not to, at least). 

He had been raised on the idea that simply being Ishimaru meant that his problems meant less to the people around you and that idea had been proven right time and time again. He could have had the most obvious problems and no-one around him cared in the slightest. This was the first time that he could remember someone intervening and trying to help him and he felt undeserving of it. 

Turning back is not an option. The teacher had been kind enough to try and help him so he would begrudgingly take it no matter of how little he needed it. He’d just get it over quickly and that would solve the problem.

The message that he had received told him that he was facing the right door to Miss Gekkogahara’s room. He checked his watch, he was there exactly a minute and a half before the allocated time and he couldn’t find any more reason to delay knocking on the door. He just had to knock.

It was like there was an invisible wall between his knuckles and the door. Why was he so nervous? Oh right, for all of the reasons that he had listed as he walked up the flights of stairs. If he failed this meeting then he could be stuck wasting everyone’s time in therapy for a while and Ishimaru couldn’t think of a worse situation than that. 

He just had to knock.


	10. A Step In the Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ishimaru starts his therapy and Leon tries to rectify his mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's a chapter. Sorry it's taken me so long to finish (I wanted to make sure it was of fairly good quality). I tried to make Leon a more in depth character. Help and criticism is welcome and so are comments!

The nurse had said that Leon’s nose would be fine, the punch hadn’t broken it but it was still painful. He was soon let out of the nurse’s office which meant that eon had to go and do the thing that he had planned. He was going to finally apologise to Ishimaru even though it pained him to have to admit he was wrong to the guy. No one likes apologising to people they hate and Leon was no exception. 

Just get it over with; you’ll feel less guilty afterwards. Not that Leon would ever admit to feeling guilty. He’s a cool, alternative rebel. He doesn’t regret his behaviour he’s just knocking on Ishimaru’s door to apologise because….

He doesn’t have to explain his behaviour to anyone.

Urghh… Where is that guy?! 

Ishimaru wasn’t answering his door to Leon. Was he ignoring him? Leon had realised that he’d acted like kinda an asshole but he was an asshole who wanted to apologise, god dammit!

Still no answer, maybe his boyfriend Mondo knew where he was. They seemed to be friends or something, some development had happened that Leon was in the dark about. He wasn’t jealous though; he didn’t value Mondo as a friend that much even if he is fairly cool. He… totally wasn’t Jealous.

That didn’t matter. His goal was to apologise and wipe the slate clean, no distractions. That way Mondo would forgive him even though he should be the one begging for forgiveness (the punch and all). Not that he really needed Mondo to forgive him but… 

Leon knocked on Mondo’s door. 

“What the fuck do you want this time?!” Mondo screamed as he flung his door open.

“Hey! Back off.”

“Oh sorry man, I thought you were Ishimaru knocking again,” Mondo apologised without a hint of the original anger.

“You’ve seen him? Where is he?” Leon asked, trying to stop himself from smiling at the idea that Ishimaru had popped round to see Mondo. He decided that he could use that as evidence for his working theory. 

Focus he scolded himself. 

“He went,” Mondo hesitated as he wondered about how Leon would react to the information but decided that he probably should just tell him, “to therapy.”

“And where’s that?” Leon felt a bit offended that Mondo didn’t want to tell him but after hearing the answer, he understood why. His outburst on Friday probably made people not trust him as much and todays ‘display’ probably didn’t help. God dammit, he’d fucked up quite badly!

“Urghh, I don’t know do I? He’s probably with the school therapist.”

“And where’s that?!” Leon pressed on. He could just apologise tomorrow but he knew that if he put it off he’d probably end up chickening out and not doing it.   
“How the fuck should I know?” Mondo was gradually losing his temper with Leon’s questioning. 

Calm down

Mondo regained his temperament and continued “Look, I don’t know! I heard that the therapist is a third year so their room is probably on the third floor.”  
“Okay, thanks dude.”

“Why’d you want to know anyway?” Mondo asked, the hint of annoyance still in his voice. This was the second time in twenty minutes that someone had come to his room and annoyed him, jeez!

“Cuz I wanna apologize!” Leon snapped, afraid to admit it in case Mondo thought that he was a lame weakling or something. 

Mondo had not been expecting that; he’d been expecting Leon to be trying to find the hall monitor for… He didn’t know but it was definitely not what he was expecting. It was actually nice to see a side of Leon that wasn’t an ignorant, self-obsessed, egotistic moron who thought of himself as a cool, punk-rock god or something. Instead, he had enough brain between his ears to realise that he’d done something that had hurt Ishimaru. And all it took was a fist to the nose. 

“Okay, good for you,” Mondo couldn’t help but chuckle a little at Leon’s character development. 

“Yeah,” Leon was about to say his goodbyes when he decided to add something else before he left, “And sorry for calling you and Ishimaru gay in front of everyone.” 

“...” Mondo scoffed but then accepted the apology, “I kinda messed up too cuz I punched you but I forgive you. Besides, it’s not a huge deal to me, I’m a gang leader so I have tough skin. Solve problems with you fist and everything, right? But sorry for punching you even though you did piss me off”

“It was my fault. Sorry but… you’re right I need to go apologise to Ishimaru.”

“Goodbye then.”

“Yeah, bye”

Mondo then closed the door on Leon which severed another awkward conversation. Two in one day… God, Mondo was never going to make any progress on his carpentry at this rate. He sat back down on his seat which was still warm from the last time he had been sitting on it, and patiently continued his whittling.

Leon, on the other hand, was anything but patient as he waited on the third floor for Ishimaru to come out of one of the rooms so he could finally apologise. He had considered just knocking on a random person’s door and asking them if they knew where the therapist’s room was but in the end he had decided that it was a bad idea – If he knocked on the room of someone cool then it would totally ruin his reputation. People might jump to the conclusion that he was crazy and then avoid him. And he couldn’t handle that.

So he loitered and hoped to god that no-one saw him just hanging around like a loser. But he still did it, even though it made him look lame because he did need to apologise and the longer he waited, the more frustrated and anxious he became.

Urghh. 

Leon leant against the wall and posed slightly as he tried to maintain his pride and image as much as possible. He actually didn’t look that bad, quite cool but not too try-hard. At least he looks kinda cool whilst waiting for the fucking hall monitor to come out of his therapy session. 

How long are therapy sessions anyways? 

Someone walked out of their room and gave him a passing look of. But was it a good look or a bad look? It didn’t matter. He had to continue waiting either way but it did bother him if he looked odd. 

Just hurry up, Ishimaru.

Ishimaru was hurrying! He was trying really hard to finish the session as, to him, it was a nightmare. 

Once he’d worked up the courage to knock on the door, he regretted it. The room was so… homely that it frightened him. There were plush dolls of two cartoon bears on the bed as well as some cushions. The curtains weren’t the same ones as he had in his room or anyone else’s – She must have changed them to make the room seem even more homely. The whole room seemed to be a fusion of bedroom, lounge and office. 

It seemed so homely, much more homely then his actual home. It saddened Ishimaru to think about how harsh and uncomfortable his home was. It had never really been warm.  
The whole house resembled struggle. The whole family’s money troubles and broken relationships. His father had put so much pressure on him for grades (perfection, perfection, perfection) and strength; his father didn’t want to hear whining about bullies or his social isolation. Deal with his own issues, swallow it, don’t burden other people like his father with his own issues when they had enough on their minds. 

In conclusion, the room made him uncomfortable. And the older teen who was sitting in the middle of the room in a wheelchair made him feel even less comfortable. 

She looked so calm and composed but also so soft and caring. So… unlike his mother who was so calculating and distant. She got on with her own work and focused her life on it, like his father but at least his father paid enough attention to him to criticise his work and help him get better. 

Calm down, that’s not your main focus today. 

“Hello Ishimaru, take a seat please.” Miss Gekkogahara spoke sweetly. Well actually, she didn’t speak but a voice came through a screen that was displayed on her lap. On it there was an animated bear (the same as the teddies on the bed) that was talking and gesturing as it spoke. 

Kiyotaka complied and sat down on the seat that was positioned in front of the therapist. The seat was actually lower than the wheelchair so he had to glance up to look in Miss Gekkogahara’s eyes or should he look at the avatar on the screen. He didn’t want to seem rude so he settled for staring at the space in between. 

“Okay Ishimaru, I’ve already spoken to your teacher but I’d like you to explain what’s wrong?” her program asked in a sweet, controlled voice as she typed frantically.

Time to apply his tactic! He was going to tell the truth but he was going to water it down a little. It hadn’t worked last time; it had ended up with him being sent to therapy in the first place but he was sure that it would work this time. After all, practise makes perfect!

He was still lost though and had no idea what to say. Where should he start? How much should he tell her?

“Ah! I’m… not sure where to start. I suppose the problem would be that I’m not very happy,” he shamefully admitted but could barely force himself to say it. What if he messed up and said too much? What if he had to continue therapy for a long time? What if he said something wrong and sullied his family name even more? What if – 

No, stop! Negativity is the reason he’s here anyway.

“Do you have any idea about why you’re unhappy?”

“Yes,” Ishimaru did know what was wrong. He was what’s wrong, his incompetence and idiocy and inability to do things right. He disappoints his father and doesn’t work hard enough but he tries. He tries so hard. And… It doesn’t solve anything. No-one likes him, they don’t even respect him, they hate him! All the people in his middle school had hated him and they had been very open about it and so had his parents. 

Every time he didn’t do perfects, an A-, another bruise, another stolen homework, another meltdown. Every time it had happened his parents had been so disappointed… And their faces. Their faces showed nothing but disappointment and… shame and hatred. 

But it worked. It made him want to not be a failure and a disappointment to everyone. But it didn’t stop him from having breakdowns in the bathroom .instead he had breakdowns in the bathroom quietly as not to let anyone know that he still couldn’t fix himself. He had practised kendo to try and stop the bullies (It didn’t work). He had studied and studied and studies and stopped sleeping so that he could study! And he was still broken. 

So that’s what’s wrong. He’s wrong. He’s the problem. But he can’t tell her that or he’ll probably be locked up somewhere where he can’t burden his family and classmates. Actually, that doesn’t sound too bad…

Stop! You’re going to get fixed and Miss Gekkogahara is going to help you. Then you won’t be a burden. You can redeem your family name and maybe… Maybe you can be happy. And the person that you need the help of is waiting for an answer. 

Her avatar was leaning forward with a look of curiosity and pleading. Asking him to explain with only a look. But how much should he tell her? The truth?

“I’m making myself unhappy because… I can’t do anything right,” He shamefully admitted. 

A feeling dawned on him as he spoke and he realised that he’d said far too much. Both the avatar and Miss Gekkogahara herself were looking at him with pity. Pity? Why pity? He wasn’t expecting pity, he had never been pitied before and he didn’t like how helpless and uncomfortable it made him feel. 

But it was a step in the right direction and, although Ishimaru still regretted telling her the truth, he knew that she would help him to stop feeling so broken and useless. Things would get better now. Things are going to get better and he’s finally taken a step towards being truly happy.


	11. Stuck To Your Seat With Carpenter's Glue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Author awkwardly shuffles onto the screen and places entirely inadequate chapter on the table*
> 
> I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in years; I had school work and test followed by more school work and tests. I also had writer's block for a while and didn't know where to take this. I have an idea of a plan for this now and I promise to try to update more regularly. 
> 
> But please enjoy the chapter anyway!

That… That wasn’t as bad as Kiyotaka had imagined. He hadn’t been treated like a crazy psycho but had instead been spoken to with sympathy and kindness. He was sad, that was his problem. That was the first thing that Miss Gekkogahara had forced him to except, he wasn’t the problem - His brain was. But, although he knew that she was probably right, he couldn’t not blame himself for problems. 

But he was going to try. He was going to try and correct the line of thought that had been engraved into his mind since the day he was born. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t socialize or be happy. It wasn’t. He wasn’t sure whose fault it was but Miss Gekkogahara had assured him that it wasn’t him. 

It had taken just over two hours to get him to believe her but that was to be expected. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a healthy train of thought. But he was still shocked when she ended their session by telling him when his next one would be. Wasn’t he cured already? Did he really have to subject himself to this again?

And then he stopped and realized that one he’d sat down, cast the thoughts of his family out of the window and actually talked to her, it hadn’t been that bad. Sure it had been stressful and upsetting but he’d just confessed something that he’s been keeping bottled up for years; that he was really sad. Of course, he would be stressed. 

She’d helped, he already felt a little better (like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders) so maybe more therapy wasn’t that bad of an idea. If it could stop him from worrying so much and feeling so useless and broken then maybe he should be glad. 

Well… It doesn’t really matter what his opinions were because he had to go to the sessions, either way, less he disappoints his teacher even more.

Having sorted out his inner turmoil for a moment, Ishimaru was feeling rather content as he shut the door of Miss Gekkogahara’s bedroom/ office and walked into the hall. He might have even been humming a tune to match his mood but he didn’t because that would be disruptive and would make him seem less than serious. No-one respects someone who’s any less than serious, his father had told him. 

At that point, both Leon and Kiyotaka noticed each other in the deserted hallway. Leon quickly stopped leaning against the wall and the other boy stopped in his track. 

“Good afternoon Kuwata, how is your nose?” the hall-monitor was the first to speak and break the silent eye contact that the pair had found themselves in.

“Yeah, it hurts like a – It hurts. But I’ll be fine. I just came to talk to you for a second,” he refrained from swearing in front of the hall-monitor (the self-control was in action already) and quickly changed the topic.

“We shouldn’t be loitering in the hallway like this but what is it?” 

Damn that straight-laced asshole. He’s even telling Leon off for just standing in the hallway. How is “loitering” a problem anyway?!

Calm down, you’re here to apologize not get pissed off at every damn thing he says.

“I said I only needed a second,” he snapped moodily before continuing in a calmer and more somber tone “I just wanted to apologise.”

“Apologise?” he was not expecting that. If anything, he’d expected Leon to ridicule him further about the therapy session that he’s just had. Ruining his content mood along the way.

“It’s just… I’ve been a real jerk to you recently. I shouldn’t have ranted about you seeing a shrink and I shouldn’t have embarrassed you in front of everyone during breakfast. I don’t know why I did those things and it was really shitty of me. Like, I don’t hate you or anything so why the hell did I do that stuff?! So yeah… Look, I’m sorry. Okay?”

Ishimaru looked so surprised but Leon couldn’t blame him. He wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told him, at the start of the week that he’d be apologising to the fucking hall monitor, he would have laughed. It made him feel even more of a jerk that showing a simple act of humanity was so surprising. He’s been a real asshole this week.

“It’s not a problem, Kuwata. We all make mistakes but I’m glad that you apologised,” he laughed and smiled as he spoke. Again, Leon was very surprised, flabbergasted even.  
“Uh, okay. Cool then. Bye,” and then he awkwardly backed off from the situation.

Had it been worth loitering around the 3rd year’s student dorms for ages just to apologise and not even have Ishimaru care in the first place? Considering that it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, that he could claim to not be entirely an asshole, it probably had been worth it.

Ishimaru had cared but didn’t want to make Leon feel worse for his actions, he wanted to move on but was very grateful for the apology. Leon was serving his punishment in form of detentions so it wouldn’t be right to punish him more. And now he had confirmation that, perhaps, people didn’t hate him for no reason after all. Wait… 

Doesn’t that mean that all of the other times that people had bullied and shammed and attacked him hadn’t been mindless acts of unjustified hatred? Leon’s apology made him seem like the exception to the rules – He was the person who was rude for no reason and regretted it so does that mean that all of the other people had had reasons or that they’d just been unapologetic? And there must be a reason that his past tormentors (not that he’d go so far to group Leon with them) didn’t feel sorry. Was that his fault too? Had he aggravated them somehow? Or was he just a person that everyone hated?

Urghh. Stop!

This. This is why he was sent to a therapist. He’s overthinking things again!

Wasn’t she supposed to fix this? No. He couldn’t expect her to fix him immediately; he’s probably not an easy person to fix. But she had made him happy, a little self-confident even. She’d have to work hard to help him, Ishimaru knew that much, and he respected that. She was willing to help him. Someone was willing to help him. Even if that person had been asked to help him by a teacher, he still felt a little warm inside at the thought.

So he didn’t feel as happy as he had upon leaving Miss Gekkogahara’s dorm room but he had managed to pull his mind out of a very dark spiral. And that was progress. He knew that controlling your thoughts is a skill that most people had, nothing to brag about, but it was alien to him. Miss Gekkogahara hadn’t really given him any therapy yet but he’d still made progress. 

And for the first time in a while, he felt hopeful. 

When he got back into his room, he began revising the material that would be taught next week; it’s always good to have a head start. However, his studies where devoid of his usual feeling of desperation – that he was drowning in paper and in all the work that he hadn’t done yet. All of the skills he had yet to learn and that time was running out, he wasn’t working hard enough, not hard enough, he needed to work harder, more work, longer hours or he’ll never account for anything. He’ll just be a forgotten politician that no-one respects enough to listen to. He won’t get a chance to save his family name and save his family from so much debt and shame.

And a thought would occur to him that he hated thinking: why did it have to be him?

Why was he the person who had to dedicate his whole life just to clear his family name? He’d sacrificed so much to get where he was – At hope’s peak academy but why was he the one who was must bear the responsibility?

They say that students of Hope’s Peak Academy are destined for a life of greatness and success but Kiyotaka knew differently. His grandfather had taught him that much at least.  
And what if he ended up the same?! He had to work harder to make sure that he didn’t end up like his grandfather, who had never worked hard in his entire life because everything was handed to him on a silver platter. 

His father hadn’t managed it so the job had been passed onto Kiyotaka. Ever since he could remember, he was always being guided down this path. He was taught good posture, good manners (most people had good manners so Kiyotaka tried to perfect having good manners) and the importance of hard work.

But today was different. Yes, he was still studying but he didn’t feel as if he was in an arms race with the entire world. He wasn’t racing and pushing harder and harder and harder. He was just studying. He calmly took notes on next week’s material and felt oddly tranquil.

If this is what therapy was going to do to him, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Or maybe simply talking with someone without the constant fear of getting it wrong (social skills were something that he had abandoned in favour of reading and studying so he’d never been very good at them) had quietened his anxieties momentarily.

Either way, he wasn’t complaining.

Meanwhile, Mondo was definitely complaining. He’d been trying to work on his carpentry for ages and it just wasn’t working. He’d given up on whittling and had moved onto something that he’d thought would be simpler – Trying to make a bedside table. 

God dammit! His complete inability to do woodwork was really undermining his decision to try and focus his life on fixing and building rather than breaking things. After all, he’d come to accept the fact that he couldn’t be part of a biker gang forever. Not after Daiya…

Urghh… Why the fuck can’t he just hold the joint in place and screw in the screw, It’s not that hard?!

Maybe he just couldn’t focus on what he was doing because his thoughts kept wandering elsewhere. Why the hell does he keep thinking of Kiyotaka?!

He was worried; he couldn’t focus because he was worried about his friend (sort of friend, could he be considered a friend?) and his therapy session. What if it didn’t go well and then Ishimaru went back into his room and cried and felt miserable and no-one would notice; it’s not like he was many acquaintances or anyone to check up on him. It would be just like Friday all over again. 

God, now Mondo felt guilty because even though he didn’t really get along with the guy (he yelled over pointless shit and was so fucking clueless), he was probably the only person who would be concerned for him. Why was he concerned?

They were barely friends so why should he care if the kid was stewing in his own misery just a few doors down from him?

…

Because he’s not a terrible person. Besides, he’s never going to make any goddamn progress on this bedside table if he keeps thinking about it. He’ll just go and knock on his door, make sure he’s not bawling his eyes out (he does seem to be a pretty emotional guy if Friday’s events were anything to go by) and then get back to his carpentry with a clear mind.

Yep, he’ll go do that right… about… now…

 

So why did he feel so reluctant to leave his seat?


	12. Straight Guys Don't Blush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inactivity, anybody who's read my story "Beyond the Stars" will know why but for those of you who haven't, my excuse is that I've had a lot of schoolwork and stressful stuff to keep on top of so I haven't been able to update recently.
> 
> Anyways, this new chapter is a step into shipping stuff (finally!) with Mondo starting to get some feeling that he's not sure if he should be feeling. This chapter sorta acts as a set up for a few plot points: Mondo becoming friends with Chihiro and starting to train together, Mondo having a long talk with himself about his feelings and finally putting a name to them and Mondo and Kiyotaka finally hanging out!
> 
> However, I have a feeling that this chapter is hella OOC so if anyone has any tips for how to write dialogue for Mondo and Kiyotaka, I'd be more than grateful!
> 
> Any feedback and comments are also appreciated, I get so happy when people actually ENJOY my writing!! <3

Why was it so hard to make himself stand up? He wasn’t a coward but he wasn’t a self-centered ass hole either so it shouldn’t be that hard to go and check in on a classmate of his. 

And then his doorbell rang. 

Still, he didn’t want to answer it. 

His knee bounced up and down in frustration. He was justifying why he didn’t want to get up (without sounding like a jerk) but the only reason he could think of was that he didn’t want to talk to whoever was at the door. If it was Ishimaru, the conversation would probably be exhausting and he would probably end up being quite angry. Although, it would allow him to stop fucking worrying about the guy!

He also didn’t really want to speak to Leon right now, their last conversation had cleared the air but had been painfully awkward and he’d had enough that for one day.  
But maybe he should just get up to silence the god damn buzzing noise! 

And then it stopped.

Whoever had been trying to talk to him had given up and it made a feeling of guilt rest in Mondo’s heart because someone had taken the time to come see him and he’d been a real ass-hole and just ignored them. 

Urghh…

He quickly hauled himself out of his hair, brushed the wood shavings from his attempts at engraving onto the floor and set his attempt at carpentry on the table.   
Once he’d reached the door, he flung it open vigorously much to the surprise of the started visitor.

“Chihiro?!” Mondo observed the cowering girl and felt even worse. He’d kept a lady waiting and had then angrily (it wasn’t intended to be angry but it was forceful so it had probably been perceived that way) flung the door open. And then he’d acted all surprised and confusedly exclaimed her name. 

Well done, Mondo. Great job, you’re so smooth with the ladies, the sarcastic voice in his head commented.

“Ah, y-yes,” she chirped nervously as she straightened her posture a little.

“Not to be rude or anything but why are you here?” even though he’d given the disclaimer of it not being rude, it had sounded rude. 

God dammit! His big bro had always taught him to respect and value women and he couldn’t even properly do that. No wonder his gang hadn’t thought that he was a good leader, he couldn’t even respect one of Daiya’s most important rules!

“Umm… well,” she did that thing where she cutely looks to the side whilst holding a finger to her chin “You’re the strongest person in our year so I was hoping that you could help me to get stronger”

By the end of her request, she’d sounded pretty determined and more confident than he’d heard her sound so far that year. She sounded pretty darn serious.

“You – You wanna train with me?” seeing such a small and petite young women ask him to help her to get stronger with such resolve was a little startling, to say the least. 

He was also still in shock that the person at the door was Chihiro, given that, although they’d eaten lunch and had a few snacks together, they weren’t very close and hadn’t talked very much. He always gets so flustered, awkward and worked up around girls, he’d decided to not even try to flirt with any of his female classmates and, instead, focus on building a friendship with Leon (and maybe he and Kiyotaka could be considered friends at a push, as well).

“I really want to change myself for the better and stop being so… weak. I *hate* being so weak! So, will you help me please?” she was slightly tearful but also sounded so hopeful that he’d help her and he wasn’t going to say no. However, he was a little curious about something.

“Look, I ain’t sayin no but… why not train with Asahina and Sakura?” lowering his tone and making it gentler was difficult but he didn’t want to upset Chihiro so he managed it.  
She hesitated for a minute and looked deep in thought before answering.

“Umm, well…. They seem so close and I don’t want to intrude. Plus, I doubt that I’d be able to keep up with their training schedule. Even though they only just started, they seem to be really exhausting themselves”, she explained meekly and chuckled lightly at the end. 

“Okay then, I’ll help you train”

“Thank you, Mondo” she beamed at him and he smiled back a little.

“Yeah, you’re welcome”

And at that, Chihiro waved a little before walking away but Mondo lingered in the doorway.

That whole conversation had defiantly not been expected but he was kinda looking forward to helping someone who’s weak to get stronger like his brother had done to him. 

However, the problem still stood that he didn’t know how well Kiyotaka was and the distraction helped him to realize that the lingering feeling of (probably misplaced) worry wasn’t going to go away.

So he supposed that he’d just have to man up and go confront the problem rather than hiding in his room, getting worked up over his shitty woodwork and trying to ignore the fact that (for some peculiar reason) he really gives a fuck about the guy even though he’s really, really annoying.

He stopped lingering in the doorway, watching Chihiro walk away, like a fucking creep, and closed the door behind him; he was going to go speak to Ishimaru.

If the door to Kiyotaka’s room had been more than a few steps away, Mondo would have had enough time to reconsider his intent. There was enough reason for him not to: he didn’t really know him that well, he shouldn’t actually be very worried, there’s no reason for him to assume that his therapy went badly, it’s really fucking embarrassing to go and check on him and he also didn’t want to damage his reputation as a tough guy.

But the feeling of worry (even if he didn’t really want to admit that he was worried about him) and the moral confliction of not wanting to be an utter ass kept him walking to the door. And moved his hand to the door and made him knock. 

The door opened almost instantly and Mondo was astonished with what he saw.

 

Kiyotaka was smiling.

 

And his smile was fucking gorgeous. 

 

“Good afternoon, Owada!” god, his smile lit up his whole face.

Oh shit! He was blushing, what the fuck!

“Uhhh, afternoon,” what was he here for again?

Oh yeah, checking up on him.

“How was the therapy?” he’d managed to claw back a little of his dignity and get back on topic without too much awkwardness.

“It was a good step to improving my overall health”

“Good, good,” he responded and a sense of uncertainty settled in the air with neither teen knowing how to continue.

But Mondo was glad that he was okay, that the annoying person who lectured everyone about healthy eating and good sleep patterns and pretty much everything else was back.   
On the subject…. He’d never gotten round to asking Kiyotaka about how he’d managed to pass out after not eating for a day and he’d left so early the next morning. Is it appropriate to ask?

“You know, you never explained how come you passed out yesterday”

“Sorry, I thought that I’d explained. I’d been too busy to eat that day” being called out on it made Ishimaru anxious, he’d left early from his room to avoid being caught out on the lie. Well, it wasn’t a lie (he wasn’t like his grandfather, he didn’t lie and manipulate people) but more of a case of selective truth telling.

“Yeah, yeah, you said that but it doesn’t really make sense. Isn’t there a three-day rule about stuff like that so how did you pass out cuz of just one day of not eating?” for some reason, Mondo regretted pressing the issue as soon as the question left his lips. It was probably because of how the smile dropped from Kiyotaka’s lips as soon as he mentioned it. 

Although, because of the confusing feelings it was giving him, perhaps it wasn’t that bad.

No, that was just wrong. Feeling glad that you’d made someone stop smiling just cuz it was making you blush for some reason, was just wrong and he felt guilty for just thinking it.

“Ummm… That is true…. Perhaps it was slightly more than a day. With a start of a new school year, I was a little stressed and didn’t think that I could keep much food down… And after that, I was so busy working that I accidentally neglected my health. But there is no greater accomplishment in life than pushing yourself to the limit, always! Isn’t that so?” 

Although he hadn’t clearly said the truth, Mondo could read between the lines – Kiyotaka simply hadn’t eaten much at all for the whole week.

And he didn’t have a clue how to respond to the confession, he was not a man of very articulate words or, for that fact, feelings. 

“Sure... So, have you had lunch yet?” Although Mondo sucked at words, he did think with his stomach and his stomach said that it was lunchtime and his intuition said that the answer to his question was probably “No”.

His intuition was correct as Ishimaru glanced at his watch to see that it was time to eat and said “It is important to keep healthy with a balanced diet so I suppose that I should take a break and get some lunch”

“Want to grab a bite together?” 

“That sounds delightful” and he was smiling again which caused Mondo to have to turn away from him as they walked towards the dining hall, hiding the growing pink hue on his cheeks. 

 

Why the fuck was his smile making him blush like a mother-fucking school girl?!


End file.
